Psalm 34:18 - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in the spirit."

I felt my heart just stop beating last night.

I was told by my now ex boyfriend that he has been lying to me about himself since the day I met him.

Not just little things but him as a whole.

He was a person I didn't know.

I developed feelings for a mask.

I asked him how he could do that to another human being and he didn't answer.

I couldn't believe that there are people out there like him and he replied back "There are lots of them, get use to it."

I don't feel like my standards are too high; they're standards for a NORMAL human being to live by.

I just really am crushed, I feel stupid for being duped.

I should have known but I know that there is no way I couldn't have known.

Letting Go

So many things have happened these last few months and my life has done a complete 180.

I think it's for the better though, I know that God allows things to happen that will shape us in a way that He wants.

I know that God will guide me through whatever (:

------------------

So the Christmas baskets are coming along just nicely (:

I am so excited to give them to people (:

I have almost all of them started or done! (:

I have birthday presents for people this month done as well which makes me happy (:

I simply love giving presents (:

--------------------

I am getting my Senior Pictures done today and I'm really excited (:

I just hope they turn out really good (:

Christmas On The Brain

Well now that Tumblr has taken over my life, my blog posts have become less frequent. This must change.

As the colder season starts rollin' in, so does the Christmas Fever.

For those who don't know, Christmas Fever is when I start forming my lists on what to get people for Christmas.

I pride myself in knowing I usually get people excellent gifts that they love.

It's just how I work. I love to give gifts that people will appreciate.

I have 10 or 11 so far on my list right now, not including my parents.

I think I have decided I am going to do boxes this year.

I am going to buy a separate box for people and fill it with things that they would like, unless the things I get them won't fix it a box.

I already have ideas and have already started.

It's going to be super hard not telling people what I got them. When it comes to present giving, I want people to be as excited as I am about the present. So it's super hard for me not to tell them.

Mari-Lynn and I always tell each other what we get each other. It's fabulous. I've already told her part one to her Christmas present and she loves it!

I am successful again (;

Ah, I do love Christmas (:

Life Moves Forward No Matter What (:

Life has been quite a roller coaster for awhile but I think it's starting to get back to normal again (:

I am having fun and learning new things, day by day (:

I have new people in my life and they are showing me the time of life (:

I am excited for the "Hair Accessory Making Party" and the Cast Party for Egad, The Woman in White (:

I am excited for the dates that I have coming up (:

It is like a whirlwind and I am loving every minute of it (:

"It's time to face the facts, that I'm the one that's got away."

The lyrics of the song, Best Thing That I Never Had, really speak to me in different aspects of my life; especially people in my life.

When I listen to this song, I think about different people that I am the one that got away.

It has always been for the better too; I am moving on and I'm moving on with better people in my life.

I'm happier than I have been in a long time and I think the people I have surrounded myself with can see that.

The others have a choice; move on with me or be left behind because I am moving on to bigger and better things (:

Life isn't about getting all caught up in the pettiness of other people; it's about loving people and the blessed moments that we have on this Earth because our days are numbered.

And I know that I want to spend them in happiness and not sadness (:

"It's time to face the facts, that I'm the one that's got away."

Love is like pi- natural, irrational and very important.

Oh, Silly People!

Welp, I am sick. Once again. You know, it happens. It could be worse!

I am on like 3 different horse people and the loopy effects are seriously starting to kick in...

Here's a recap upon my weekend!

----
I truly had a wonderful weekend!

Friday was super fun with the game and getting to hang out with people!

Saturday, I went to rehearsal and made some awesome new friends (:

Then we went to Panera and chatted away for a couple hours, which was super nice (:

Then I had a bonfire that I went to that Saturday night and I must say that I had a lot of fun (:

I got to hang out and meet new people (:

Sunday was just a rest day for me (:

----
Now I get to what my title is about, silly people.

I think I have hit that stage in my life where I'm just kinda like "meh, if you wanna hang out; awesome. If you don't, it happens."

I'm not sure if it's for the best but I think it will show me the people I really want to hang around with (:

One of my friends - we're acting like a freakin' divorced couple. We don't talk as much anymore and on the rare occasion that we do see each other; we kinda of awkwardly wave.

Another one of my friends - Seems to be wrapped up in something else, but I understand. It happens and I'm happy for this person (:

Another another one of my friends - I'm not really sure where we stand right now? I wish we could go back to the way we were but I feel like something is stopping us from doing so? Maybe it's the both of us?

Oh, you silly people.

Yes, I add myself to this group of "silly people."

My Birthday and Love Language (:

Well I had a lovely birthday! I enjoyed getting to spend time with the people I care about (:

My mom and I went to this little fair thing over by where we live and it was honestly a lot of fun (:

I was baked a lovely, two colored frosting cake (:

I also received a TON of birthday wishes and it was really nice (:

-------

I learned today about the 5 Love Languages and how they affect us (:

In the giving love, I am physical touch and gifts (:

I love to give people hugs and little signs that I am thinking about them (:

I also love to give people gifts because I think it shows that I know what people like and think about them (:

In the receiving way of love, I am physical touch and words of admiration.

I think this gives a lot of insight into myself; I know I am easily hurt by words even if they are just "jokes." I also know that if a person doesn't tell me that they love me often; I start to feel like they don't. I think words are so very powerful and I need to be told that I am loved.

I also need the sense of touch to know that I am loved. I am a very touchy feely person and hugs and touches are an EXTREMELY important part of my world.

The words and touches go hand in hand and make me who I am (:

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Actions truly do speak louder than words.

You can say anything that you want but you can't hide your true feelings with the way you act.

I learned that a lot these last few weeks.

I learned that I can't hide how I truly feel, even no matter how hard I try.
-------
It's my best friend, Catherine's birthday today and she's 17!

I'm not really sure that there is a MAJOR change when you turn 17 but I guess it's just the thought of getting older (:

She seems a lot older to me but just 17 years of age (:
--------
“The LORD is my strength and my defense;
   he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
   my father’s God, and I will exalt him" - Exodus 15:2

Crazy, Stupid Love.

The title of this blog says it all, honestly.

Love is crazy and makes us act stupid but I believe with all of my heart that it is worth it (:

My two favorite quotes recently have been:

"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be." -RENT

&

"Don't waste your time being an option. Refuse to be anything but a priority." -Unknown

I really think this summer has shown me that I shouldn't just be an option, I need someone that wants all of me and nothing less.

I know there is someone out there that will love every bit of me, for who I truly am (:

He'll be my Knight in Shining Armor (:

-------

Well well, Senior year has finally arrived and it has been amazing!

I have all of my classes with Brittany and it's really nice because I didn't have that many with her last year and I feel like this will help us connect more as friends (:

I also have classes with a lot of other people that I haven't usually had classes with and it's a nice change of scenery and a breath of fresh air to be honest (:

I tried out for a main role in the play, "Egad! The Woman in White!" and I really hope that I get it (:

I think it would be so much fun and something new!

This year is all about new experiences and new people (:

Speaking of new, I decided that if I don't get a main role that I am going to try the light board for a crew along with make-up (:

-------

So I put in my application for UTK today and I am super excited! I really feel like I am going to get accepted (:

The other schools I'm going to put in an application is MTSU, Tech and Vandy.

Vandy sent me an email saying that I should apply to their school.

I talked to Brittany about it and she was like "Well what if you get accepted?"

I honestly don't know if I would go there if I got accepted. I might, maybe?

I definitely know that I am not going into the Navy, no matter how much they want me as an engineer!

Love is Full of Mystery.

Love lasts for a lifetime.

Anger, hurt and confusion may blind you but the love is always there.

My boyfriend of almost 10 months and I have gone our separate ways. I made a decision that resulted in the separation.

He was my best friend before we had feelings for each other. He would listen to my problems, even if they had nothing to do with him. He would comfort me if my time of need. He would always be there for me.

He still is.

He truly is a man of character.

I see him and I see the man I love. 

I love him as my best friend. Do I love him as more?

I'm not really sure...

I see things that remind me of him and I know he was truly the best boyfriend I have ever had. 

I hope I was the best girlfriend for him that I could possibly be.

Creepin'

I am a creeper.

I "stalk" people's Facebook, Tumblr, Blogs and so on.

It's because I love you guys (:

I like to know what is going on in your lives (:

Random Post For the Day.

I Am Me.

I am me, take it or leave it.

I will admit I have flaws. They're apart of who I am.

I am lazy, I have to be seriously motivated to do something. However when I am motivated to do something, I give it my all.

I am judgmental. I look at people and think "Oh that person MUST be...." However, it leads me to want to know if i am right about what I think. I usually am VERY surprised and those people are NOT what I assume.

I tend to hold grudges. I don't get angry very easily but when I do; it stays in me for a long time. I am really trying to let the anger just go away. It does me NO GOOD to keep it all pent up inside me.

I am apparently very flirtatious. I love talking to people because interaction with people is very important to me. I don't TRY to be flirtatious, I am just a bubbly person. It's who I am.

I don't forgive very easily. My analogy for my "forgiveness factor" is that I have EXTREMELY sensitive fingers when it comes to heat. If I  knew that a kettle had been hot before, why would I want to touch it? I really am trying to be better about giving 2nd chances.

I am me, I will always be me.

Take it or leave it (:

I Love, Love.

What can I say?

I love, the feeling of love.

I can feel it in the air.

I can't help it, I want people to experience the feeling of love.

There is nothing better in my opinion (:

True, it makes me give "tiny pushes" sometimes when it comes to two people that I feel like would work well with each other.

Like I said, I can't help it.


********

So on Friday was Will's Graduation Party and I had so much fun!!

The table almost caught on fire from coin sculpture making, but hey all in the name of fun.

We then went to lake and the water was so high!

I felt adventurous and wanted to go in the water (:

Logan went with me and it felt so calming being in the water.

I felt at home.

*********

Drama/Choir Banquet rolled around on Saturday and it was so much fun (:

We left early from the 3 hour banquet and ran around like hooligans at the park (:

I think this is a foreshadowing of how summer will be (:

I'm so excited (:

The Finale & The Intervention

So the last showing of Our Town happened Saturday and it went out with a bang (:

So we had an "intervention" before the show. It was two hours of saying nice things about people.

I was such a crybaby but I wasn't the only one (:

I think it was honestly needed. It brought everyone closer together.

Choir/Drama banquet is going to so much more emotional now.

It will be so worth it though (:

I have made so many more friends these last two weeks and strengthened old friends relationships (:

I am truly blessed.

I will not be like those "air lickers" who say that they can "taste" summer. I can feel it though (: It's just a feeling in the soul (:

I think this summer is going to be the best one yet (:

More thoughts of happiness consume me (;

The Tears that Flow

People are very precious in my life. It's this week that two things were brought to my attention: (1) You don't always know what people are going through (2) You don't know how much longer people have.

I was informed that my childhood friend who is the closest thing I had to a sister when I was younger, tried to take her own life.

I can't describe to you the horror and shock that ravaged my soul when I heard those words uttered. She always  seemed so happy and full of life, how could it be that she had decided living wasn't worth it anymore. I know that she had a rough childhood, quite similar to mine but she got the worse end of it.

Thankfully, the paramedics were called in time and she was able to be saved. She was placed in the psych ward and I believe that she will be there for some time.

You don't always know what people are going through, even if they have a smile on their faces.

My mother informed me that my biological father, whom I had never met, passed away last September at the young age of 48.

I had never met Kenneth, bu I planned to when I turned 18.

This is the man when I was child that I swore I would never forgive and never want to see.

As I grew older I decided that I did want to meet him and get to know his story.

I believed that he deserved a second chance.

I now will never have that opportunity.

My mother said even though I never met Kenneth, I have traits and genetics of this man.

His sense of humor, the laid back nature, and the slow to anger temper until severely provoked.

I do believe one day that I will go to visit my Old Man's grave, I owe him that.

He did truly love me, he was just blinded by the alcohol.

Rest in Peace Dad.

The Cries of my Heart

I have realized lately that I've not been afraid to say what I think. I've been inspired to not just hide what I think about people. If I hide it. then nothing changes.

I may say things that shock people, they can't believe I would say it. 

Why hide my thoughts? I won't be pushed around and that's what I feel like is happening when I hide what I think about people.

It's does no good to keep pent up inside the thoughts and anger that lies inside me.

The ocean is a rockin'.

The love is ever flowing, but I won't hide what I think.

If I think you're being unfair, I'll tell you.

If I think you're acting full of yourself, I'll tell you.

If I think you're just being awesome, I'll tell you.

I won't lie by "pretending" that everything is okay, when it's not.

I might lose friends over it and I might gain friends from it.

That's the cycle of life.

I just want to have fun and not be put down (:

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

The Perfect Evening

Well Catherine has brought it to my attention that I need to add details to my previous blog post, so here's for you Catherine :P

Well my perfect evening started out with me arriving to Olivia's house. I sat in the spinning chair for what felt like eternity. Not being able to see the masterpiece that was being created on my head rather bothered me, I was so curious! After what seemed like a life time, I turned and saw that my hair was so beautiful! I was so thankful that Olivia made me look like a princess (: I felt so well put together after I put everything on (:

Arriving at banquet was nerve wracking because I was going to walk down giant stairs without having a handrail!  I was shaking as my turn came up but Joel held me arm as I walked down the stairs (: We made a grand decent! (:

The superlatives were funny (: The dinner was actually pretty good! (: Then the dancing started (:

Slow dancing with Joel was the amazing (:  I felt like time just stopped (: It was so romantic (:

After we left the Spring House, we went back to Olivia's to get in the hot tub (: It was relaxing and fun, I was about  to fall asleep though.

4:30 is when we finally hit the hay.

Overall, the night was easily one of the best nights of my life (:

Best. Night. Evar

Two words; Banquet Night.

Best Night Evar.

Pretty dresses, laughing, dancing and staying up till 4:30 in morning.

Enough said.

The Thoughts Which Consume Me

The thoughts which consume me.....

Shall I delight in it?

Shall I not?

Will I be a graceful show stopper?

Or I be a laughable clutz?

Will I rise about the amount of work and succeed?

Or shall I wallow in the stress?

Shall it consume me?

Or shall I run the other direction?

Shall it return to the same path?

Or shall we go down a new one?

The thoughts which consume me....

Ocean View

Catherine and I left for Pensecola, FL on Monday morning bright and early.

Our group consists of Mom, Catherine, Grandma and myself (:

We escaped the storm that hit Nashville but we brought it with us the first day ):

We shopped and I found the most amazing smelling cologne evar! It's in "The Body Shop" where my aunt works (: It's called "Arbor" and it smells amazing......

We've laid on the beach the last two days and then get in the hot tub afterwards (:

I have a lovely tan and I can't wait to get tanner lol (:

These Are My Confessions

1. I get suuuuper paranoid at night, especially in the dark or outside or both.
2. I'm insecure about how I look.
3.  I used to be a liar.
4.  I've been in love with 3 different men in my teenage life.
5. I never cheat on my significant other.
6. I'm always the breakup-ee
7. I can't sit still.
8. I get distracted easily.
9. I believe you can see inside someone's soul by looking into their eyes.
10. I hate being alone, it scares me.

"I don't have to impress you anymore, I've already got you."

That comment is the comment that most men think.

They swoon over women during the "chase". They dress up, say sweet comments and bring you gifts. It's sweet.

Once the "chase" has ended, it's like a mask is taken off.

Sometimes they still try to be sweet but I don't think it's the same.

Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing. I just like a little bit of spice in my relationships.

Take me on a surprise date, bring my favorite drink or even the same thing of telling me I'm beautiful.

It's not just men though, I will admit.

I think we just get comfortable. We're not as worried about what our significant other thinks.

"I have to impress you even more now that I have you."

I think that should be the quote on couple's minds.

The Day of Meds

So I've been ill for about the last 2 weeks. It sucks.

I went to the doctor and she isn't sure what is wrong with me. She drew blood to send it off for tests...

I cried a WHOLE bunch. Not my strongest moment.

Well I'm on 2 different pills and they make me SUPER DUPER hyper.

It may be dreary outside but I feel like it's radiating sunshine (:

Today's going to be awesome (:

Turmoil in the Soul

My heart is in turmoil.

Help.

The End.

Turmoil in the Soul

My heart is in turmoil.

Help.

The End.

What Happens Next...

I had a lovely night Friday (: Joel's birthday party was that night (: I saw Little Red Riding Hood and it was fantastic (: I never usually get attracted to actors like in a serious way but when Shiloh Fernandez walked on screen....

Saturday nearly killed me. I was so stressed out all day. I snapped at people and was freaking out. Thankfully things were resolved QUICKLY.

I had to write an essay today for a Vet Program this summer. I would be staying a week on UT campus and working for about 5 a vet near where I live.

I don't know though....Mom is pushing me to do it because I would have to have done this if I want to get into the college vet program at UT.

I don't know though......I don't know if my heart is in it right now.....I secretly hope that I don't make it but at the same time I want to prove that I can.

Sometimes my pride cause conflicts. Should have seen that coming.

The Day After the Weekend...

So today is Monday....I think school should be outlawed on this day.....

Well SETC was this weekend (: Wow it was fun (: I had the Party Room!

However we did see some "different" things...such as 2 men kiss and a women being "raped"....quite different.

Ahhh well (:

I am so amazed by the things that I learned in the hair department this weekend....I will learn how to do my hair (:

Happy Birthday Sweetheart (:

Adventures in Motion (:

Well I haven't blogged in awhile, ah well I wouldn't say I'm a hard core blogger. I just do it on a whim sometimes.

Well the liberation that I previously felt and the fight that happened got resolved so that's good (:

I got a role in the play "Our Town"- I'm a "Cartwright Interest and a towns person. Which isn't bad, I get to act and still be the head of the make-up crew (:

The worries I felt are no more, I have found a new way to express my feelings to my boyfriend when I don't feel like I can say that I'm out loud and express them clearly. Somehow writing helps me organize my thoughts and I can say how I feel clearly (:

SETC is this weekend (:

Liberation

Today I feel so liberated! I said things that I had been holding back for so long. They finally came out and you know what?

I FEEL AMAZING!!! (: (: (:

There is a sort of relief in my heart, a happiness in my mind and peace in my soul (:

Just another day in the life of SavannahEmily (:

Easier Said Then Done

Worry is an emotion that seems to confuse them mind and heart of the person that is experiencing it. We all have worries about all kinds of things. I know I worry about a lot of things because I am afraid of the consequences when some other don't think about them.

I am worried now of the impact I am having on my significant other's life. I worry that I am influencing them for not the best sometimes. I would like to think I am not but when other's tell me indirectly that I am; I start to worry. I want to influence his life for the best, not bring in things that will have negative consequences.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not a bad person. I think sometimes though that I think differently then others. I think that leads me to make "wrong choices" in the eyes of others. I don't want to bring problems to others and their futures.

The worry is eating me alive sometimes.

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.  ~Mark Twain

The Day of Love

So yesterday was the Day of Love (:

I have always loved Valentine's Day even when I was single because Valentine's Day lets me express my romantic personality and it not be odd (:

This year I got to celebrate Valentine's Day with my wonderful boyfriend. I spent 45 minutes getting ready, like a typical female. I wore a sweater dress because I didn't want to be under dressed or be over dressed. It was a beautiful cream color (: I curled my hair, I must say I have perfected the way to curl my hair (:

I opened the door and there my boyfriend was with roses and he looked so FINE! I was seriously impressed and couldn't stop staring (: I found out that he does enjoy dressing up, I was so shocked! He does a really good job of dressing up. I think I might die at banquet then (;

We ate at Las Palmas and then went to Providence to see The Eagle. The Eagle is a warrior/gladiator type movie. I was in love; gore, fighting and half dressed buff men; there is nothing better (;

It was such an amazing Valentine's Day (: I have never had such an amazing Valentine's Day (:

My boyfriend said a quote that night that literally made my heart almost exploded of happiness (:

"You know we couldn't live together before we got married."

(:

Growing Older

I was talking with my mother the other day and we were talking about how the older we get, we find things that didn't bother us when we were younger bother us now. I find traits in people that I've known forever to now really bother me. They never used to bother me before. I wondered to myself, "Have I just over looked these traits all these years?" The answer is no. My mother told me that when you get older you develop your own personality and then you define who you are. Slowly but surely things that did used to bother you, start to.

I know this from experience.

I look around at my friends and think about how much we have changed. How much we've experience. How much we've grown out  of that "nerdy glasses and frizzy hair" stage. We don't just do things because everyone else does them. However, that means sometimes our personalities clash sometimes.

My friends are all very different people. Olivia, is the one I've known the longest. She's the type that speaks her mind, sometimes that gets her into trouble though. Catherine, the quiet one that is always in deep thought. I truly believe she thinks on a higher level than others. Amanda, the loud, tall athlete. She is always the life of the party. Brittany, the shopping guru who has the strongest relationship with God I've ever seen. Mari-lynn, the Lover. She loves people with all of her heart and wants what is best for them, even if it causes her pain. Then there is me, Savannah Emily, the laid back one who also is very opinionated.

Like I said, we're all very different. We all started out that same but now have transformed into very different people. This causes clashes in ways of thinking and doing. I know we all have our flaws in personalities. I know I personally am very opinionated so that makes me feel like I need to give it, when I don't, sometimes.

Being different isn't always a bad thing, it brings new light into a situation. Sometimes though we need to step back and think "How am I going to affect this person by saying or doing this?"

The Start of Something New

So today I found out that my girlfriends have been blogging. This was news to me! They said it helps "vent" and talk about things that are bothering them. The curious person I am, felt that I needed to check out this world wide phenomena called "blogging." So this is the start of something new. I don't know how often I will blog, I don't even know if people will read this. I guess like my friends said, this is a way to vent and just talk about things that seem to interest me.